Thursday, February 16, 2012

Post 4

I have been pondering for a couple of weeks now, my name for the Divine...

The first truth of Jan Lundy's Your Truest Self is 'I am free to live a spiritual life of my own making', and the reflection questions at the end of the chapter include 'Have you consciously named the Divine One, especially in light of your emerging self?' and 'what qualities does he/she/it have?'

Much has been swirling around in my centre, especially since I drew this last Sunday...



... as I try to formulate, and name, what I am feeling...

Then last night, before sleep came, names, words, memories, meanings arrived...

mama
Mary - mother of Jesus
nurturing
soothing
caring
gentle
thoughtful
calm
Mary Magdalene
loving
giving
feeling deeply, honestly, passionately

My childhood was not idyllic. My mother was mentally ill, harsh, demanding, manipulative... My father was gentle, but too meek, and didn't/couldn't stand up to her.
My paternal grandmother was mean-spirited, critical and shrill...
My paternal grandfather was gentle, kind, nurturing, encouraging - my childhood saviour - but died when I was 13.
My female primary school teachers were strict, demanding, harsh (except one, whom I adored, but I had only two terms with her, as I as moved up a class...) The headmaster was gentle, old, encouraging, but distant...
At secondary school, most of my teachers were men, both young and old - encouraging, gentle, kind - but the women who taught me were harsh, demanding - except one (the Religious Studies department head), whom I loved and who gave me extra tuition, which was vital to me getting into Oxford to study Theology...
And at Oxford, all my tutors were men of varying ages who were demanding, but fair; tough, but inspiring; exacting, but also encouraging...

And it came to me - throughout my childhood, I found care, and nurture, and kindness, in the men, I encountered, but very little in the women...

I rectified this, by nurturing female friendships as I grew up - a number of which I still enjoy today - but clearly a deep, deep need was unfulfilled...

I became a Christian at college, and for 20 years was a committed, and active, Anglican - I even considered training for the ministry! - but over the years I found the Church's judgemental attitude to gays and women (the fact the General Synod is still discussing female bishops, while the western world is in financial meltdown, just beggars belief!!!!), unbearable - and I finally left...

And now, I am asking myself questions about the nature of the Divine as I endeavour to live a spirituality of my own making - questions not pre- or proscribed by an established Church, as they were in my 20s and 30s...

And I am finding a need to connect to a nurturing, caring, mothering Being... a Being with a loving, female face... who engenders, and inspires, with gentle encouragement, a desire to be the best person I can be...

And I've now realized why I surround myself with artworks of female faces... not because I am a closet lesbian as a dear friend feared :) - but because I want to be looked after and watched over....

These are but a small sample of the faces I see every day...








I still don't have a name for the Dvine, but I certainly know what she looks like...

I am sharing this with Jade and the others over at The Bigger Picture...

And here's the link back to my regular blog...







6 comments:

  1. So many of the people I have encountered this week have expressed a need for nurturing too. The world can be such a cold, harsh place. So many of us are feeling tired and weary. I am praying for us all to be watched over and looked after.

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    1. Claire, I am so honored to read this here and that "Your Truest Self" journey is beginning in this way. We will have a wonderful journey!

      The history you share is so important in re-creating a spiritual life that is current and authentically us. Your images of the Sacred reflect its deep feminine nature. I too have images like this all over my house. They inspire me. They remind me of my divine connection and heritage which is also deeply feminine.

      Some call this "the feminine face of God" and I do like that. My own image of the Holy One has definitely become quite "female,"- nurturing, supportive but very strong and empowered too!

      The work of Clarissa Pinkola Estes has had a very big impact on my spiritual life, including her new book, "Untie the Strong Woman." I am a "Mary girl" from way back but not the meek, mild Mary. You might enjoy Dr. Estes books...Or perhaps you have read them already. :-)

      I love that we have the freedom to explore this today. In previous times, we may not have been able to. :-) It's ok to question - good for us too!

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  2. Wow that is one powerful post you wrote there, I admire your openness and am honoured to have my painting amongst those other stunning images.

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  3. Oh Claire, what a touching post. I often paint angels when I need gentle energy to surround me, but I never thought of it in such a deep level as you did. Lovely.

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  4. Such beauty you've expressed, here! I hope the visualizing has brought you much peace :)

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  5. Thank you for sharing, Claire.
    Inspiring!
    Suzanne

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